Whatever It Takes - I Know That You will be There.

Done some really silly things in the past two months. Think I got carried away in some circumstances which I had foolishly put myself in. In my vain attempt to run away from my worries, to find solace in other means than what I'm supposed to - I chose some obvious mistakes and now have to live with my scars on myself.

Still soul searching for answers to the new era which I live in. I can't say that I don't have unhelpful friends - there's one really great brother - who is Joshua. There's days when I feel that God has really blessed me with such an amazing brother that I feel so guilty for asking him out - so soothe the pain of the new era. But always asking him out & relying on him so "needy-ily" leaves a guilty bad taste within me - why does this brother love me so much, to want to see me happy, to make opportunities for the girl whom I had given my heart to in vain, to accompany me on sun evenings for dinner, to spend time with me whenever i call...i feel so guilty for taking time away from his already busy schedule, much less the time he spends with his fiance.

After much thought, I don't know how will i ever get to repay the gift my brother has given me : all the wealth & power would not suffice for this man who brought me back from the depths of darkness and ash countless times.

Sipping my chamomile tea now..man it would nice if i could throw in a scoop of vanilla ice cream into it..that would be make me stop typing right here. haha

My guess is probably I would live my life more responsibly & make a more conscious effort to honour God in my dealings - that would make his day. I don't want to be depending on him that much, to feel like im placing upon him a burden, which is only meant for myself to bear. Seeing the scars on myself and feeling whatever humanity / tinge of whatever my heart is left, I continue to move on in this new era. Though courage is often lacking and hardships continue to bring pain, that when if i reflect long enough, I just cry and plead out to God for reasons to why I'm going through this.

Nonetheless,I thank God for His miracles and the wonderful brother that He has brought to our midst. For the pain that has been brought forth has shown me my follies and made me stronger.

Cheers brother :D Thank you God :)