2009

Looking back at 2008, sadness and trials filled the air throughout the year : with wrong choices, wrong words & poor judgement coming into play in the midst of trying situations where choices seemed to revolve between bad or worse. I don't blame myself for the choices because when i look back now, i feel that was something that i had to go through to be where i am now. Kinda like a time of refinement?

Though it is probably one of the saddest years of the lifetime that i have lived - it isn't without the simple joys of life, there were definitely moments where when i recall now, it brings back memories of warmth and good cheer, a warmth not given by man, but by God Himself - a kinda warmth that you know, no man can in any way manipulate or create to generate such an end result : Finding my calling for 2009, overcoming my own mental block that helping people would result in sending 'wrong signals', particularly to the opposite gender ; realising that what i do, I do because of what Christ has done for me, conquering my fear to sing, lowering my fear of heights, growing closer to my dear friends like Frankie, Josh, Cheryl Tan, Aggie, Justin, Jeremy Lee, Cheryl Teo. Realising that some other old friends like Alex Ang, Jason, Ben Fong & others which i know they know themselves that are friendship that will last for the years to come.

It was also the year where i made a number of new friendships & renewed some too. I can't say that it was all fruititous but it open my eyes to the fact that some are really just 'hi & bye' acquaintances, some for ulterior motives, some really just want your money, some so screwed up that don't make sense no matter how you look at it - it is really confusing & a new experience everytime i meet someone which i would have to say that i've paid a significant price in terms of time & money. In short, friendships are just mind boggling.

It was also a year that i made things clear with a special someone of 5 years - yes. It was a time where we decided to iron things out and talk things through in all honesty & love. Many still ponder why i waited for so long, one would even dare say that 'i thought it was a deal that was sure to close in my favour' - true of the matter is that i'm happy that we had the talk, that i had the guts to come clean with my feelings, making it known to her. Though it didn't come to the desired result that i would have wanted, i see that through this, i was able to be comfortable with sharing of my feelings & coming to actual terms that other party's happiness is my utmost priority. The future seems uncertain on how this will unfold but i believe wherever this path continues, His Hand is constantly working in each of our lives.

My greatest joy of 2008 would be my care group : Ripples has grown so much in faith and character over the years. Last evening's closure party was a heart wrenching one for me - seeing them over the years - i can't help but feel parental about them. I'm really proud to see them as they are right now - how much they've allowed God to work in each of their lives over the past few years. It has been my joy & privilege to serve them these past years. I decided to treat them one last time, getting a gift for each of them, together with the 21" pepperoni pizza & Botak Jones meals. Looking back at them, Renfred, Tiffe, Joanna, Abel, Avinash, Lim Hong, Charles, Eu Jin, Mark, Li Feng, Alvin, Fion & Jie Wei - the times i've had to scold them, cry with them, get angry at them, laugh with them, celebrate with them, hug them, protect them, fight & defend for them - my heart strings are tugged at everytime i reminisce of those times. Given the chance, i would gladly go through all of it, even the heartbreaks again. They're the best gift that God has given me in 2008.

Drawing a closure for 2008, i'm piqued for 2009 - yes i've got 5 exams this coming semester as a result of some silly mistake, yes i know that i don't know where i will be serving in Pathmakers also, i don't know how to start saving money 'cause i've been spending tons of dough - but I hold onto the hand of the Most High - who has been faithful to me all this time, and i trust in Him that He will guide & carry me through 2009.

Things I want to accomplish :

Get a driving license
Drive the 'solid' car to the wedding =D (chuckles)
Use my new gear for paintball
Improve my vocals
Improve my marathon timing by an hour
Get my silver mark for IPPT
Own the exams
Find where God wants me to be
God willing - find that special someone (ok, you People can ignore this line & stop match making me)
Most importantly, Grow in Christ