Living with deep breathing

As i stand at this crossroads - i find myself in the middle of a human traffic jam - people running all across me, meeting ther own deadlines and appointments - which i'm happily (or wasting time in some people's mind) licking away at my gelato. I see many friends running into ruins while i chuckle in my little marble seat as i recount how i wished with all my heart that they had taken the advice given earlier...

That was my thoughts coming from some years back - im still feeling sort of the same way towards some of my friends - even as they revolve in their cycle of issues which never resolve - while meaninglessly seeking for an answer. I feel a sense of uselessness when they falter and feel great pain - it hurts me in silence to see my friends this way.

It's utterly amusing as i find myself unable to solve my own issues and have no 'full time living' counsel for my own life - well except for my long distance mentor and another who's got a family to deal with...i sometimes wonder if my ego has inflated to the extend that i become one who's unable to see the trunk stuck in my own eye - while seeing the speck of dust in other people's eye.

Im really lost for the past few months as of what to do next year - learn driving? Learn a language? Join a dojo? Probably run overseas on 9th April (researching now *grin* - looks very positive) - i really see no point in doing all the material stuff but it may enrich me as a person - well except maybe the running away part since it involves no temptation. It's no longer just spiritual - but a social sense of lost as well. Where do i belong?

At this point of time - i can uproot myself and move far...problem is..where to?

My heart hurts a lot at being lost...this nursed emotional pain seems to make my body weary...

Anyway, i've made a commitment of my time this year to picking up a skill - attended class today.

I do not know what holds tomorrow, but I know He holds my hand. I didn't dodge death so many times to lose myself...i'm sure He's got something.