Bruised and battered

Playing two faces on msn isn't - trying to de-conflict a situation in one window and showing care and concern in the other. What extremes of emotions! =\

Currently facing some disappointment with a significant group of people in church - it really is sad that after what was shared last saturday - something that God impressed upon his heart last saturday - something that has been on my heart for years..something that He alone prepared him to speak without me saying a word to the speaker the entire week...has fallen on deaf ears. To me, there is really little significance in doing anything for anyone if there is no basis of a relationship.

I'm disappointed after time and again of making it work between people, tired of organising events, tired of helping people through difficult times, tiring of working my ass off, using my resources & power to secretly make things work out when things seem bleak and hopeless for people - with the end result which keeps appearing - the lack of the committment of building relationships.

It is an absolute detestable stench which i've tried to musk up with hope that people would change - but obviously i've runned out of gas in hoping for a glimmer of a change of heart that even one single being would make the decision to build relationships - this has never improved for years now...

I cannot fight on in a place where i feel that there's no possible change that's going to take place which we all hope for - in vain.

Until that day comes again will i rise to fight again.